PLANET FOOTBALL, SPORT & MUSIC

Peter Parka · Joined: 17 Sep 2006 Posts: 695 Location: Harlow, Essex

These are real British laws!

* Under the reign of Elizabeth I, any person found guilty of "harboring a Catholic priest" would be tortured or even hanged. Any priest of the Catholic faith that was caught would be hanged, drawn, and quartered.
* With the exception of carrots, most goods may not be sold on Sunday.
* All English males over the age 14 are to carry out 2 or so hours of longbow practice a week supervised by the local clergy.

* London Hackney Carriages (taxis/cabs) must carry a bale of hay and a sack of oats. (Repealed 1976)

* The severest Penaltys will be suffered by any commoner who doth permit his animal to have carnal knowledge of a pet of the Royal House (enacted by George I)
* It is illegal to be drunk on Licensed Premises (in a pub or bar).
* It is illegal for two adult men to have sex in the same house as a third person.

* Any person found breaking a boiled egg at the sharp end will be sentenced to 24 hours in the village stocks (enacted by Edward VI).
* It is illegal to stand within one hundred yards of the reigning monarch when not wearing socks (enacted by Edward VI)
* Chelsea Pensioners may not be impersonated.

* A bed may not be hung out of a window.
* It is illegal for a lady to eat chocolates on a public conveyance.
* During his reign, Oliver Cromwell banned the eating of mince pies on Christmas day, as they were insufficiently Puritan.

* Any boy under the age of 10 may not see a naked manequin.
* It is illegal to leave baggage unattended.

* Picking up abandoned baggage is an act of terrorism.

* Those wishing to purchase a television must also buy a license.

* It is illegal for a Member of Parliament to enter the House of Commons wearing a full suit of armour.

* Destroying or defacing money is illegal.
* If a steam locomotive is driven on roads, a man must walk in front of the vehicle with a red flag during the day and a red lantern at night to warn passersby.
* All steam locomotives are limited to 4mph on roads.
* Anal sex is prohibited.
* You may not make out in public.
* It is legal for a male to urinate in public, as long it is on the rear wheel of his motor vehicle and his right hand is on the vehicle.

* Committing suicide is classified as a capital crime.
* Interfering with the mail or sleeping with the consort of the Queen is classed as treason, and as such, carries a maximum penalty of death.
* Placing a postage stamp that bears the Queen (or King) upside down is considered treason.
* One may not "blemish the peace".
* A license is required to keep a lunatic.
* Damaging the grass is illegal.
* Jesuits, Seminary Priests and other suchlike disobedient Persons must be banished.

* Since 1313, MPs are not allowed to don armor in Parliament.

England Laws

Country Laws

* Under the reign of Elizabeth I, any person found guilty of "harboring a Catholic priest" would be tortured or even hanged. Any priest of the Catholic faith that was caught would be hanged, drawn, and quartered.
* With the exception of carrots, most goods may not be sold on Sunday.
* All English males over the age 14 are to carry out 2 or so hours of longbow practice a week supervised by the local clergy.

* London Hackney Carriages (taxis/cabs) must carry a bale of hay and a sack of oats. (Repealed 1976)

* The severest Penaltys will be suffered by any commoner who doth permit his animal to have carnal knowledge of a pet of the Royal House (enacted by George I)
* It is illegal to be drunk on Licensed Premises (in a pub or bar).
* It is illegal for two adult men to have sex in the same house as a third person.

* Any person found breaking a boiled egg at the sharp end will be sentenced to 24 hours in the village stocks (enacted by Edward VI).
* It is illegal to stand within one hundred yards of the reigning monarch when not wearing socks (enacted by Edward VI)
* Chelsea Pensioners may not be impersonated.

* A bed may not be hung out of a window.
* It is illegal for a lady to eat chocolates on a public conveyance.
* During his reign, Oliver Cromwell banned the eating of mince pies on Christmas day, as they were insufficiently Puritan.

* Any boy under the age of 10 may not see a naked manequin.
* It is illegal to leave baggage unattended.

* Picking up abandoned baggage is an act of terrorism.

* Those wishing to purchase a television must also buy a license.

* It is illegal for a Member of Parliament to enter the House of Commons wearing a full suit of armour.

* Destroying or defacing money is illegal.
* If a steam locomotive is driven on roads, a man must walk in front of the vehicle with a red flag during the day and a red lantern at night to warn passersby.
* All steam locomotives are limited to 4mph on roads.
* Anal sex is prohibited.
* You may not make out in public.
* It is legal for a male to urinate in public, as long it is on the rear wheel of his motor vehicle and his right hand is on the vehicle.

* Committing suicide is classified as a capital crime.
* Interfering with the mail or sleeping with the consort of the Queen is classed as treason, and as such, carries a maximum penalty of death.
* Placing a postage stamp that bears the Queen (or King) upside down is considered treason.
* One may not "blemish the peace".
* A license is required to keep a lunatic.
* Damaging the grass is illegal.
* Jesuits, Seminary Priests and other suchlike disobedient Persons must be banished.

* Since 1313, MPs are not allowed to don armor in Parliament.

City Laws

Chester

* You can only shoot a Welsh person with a bow and arrow inside the city walls and after midnight.

Hereford

* You may not shoot a Welsh person on Sunday with a longbow in the Cathedral Close.

Liverpool

* It is illegal for a woman to be topless in public except as a clerk in a tropical fish store.

London

* Companies may vote in local elections.
* No cows may be driven down the roadway between 10 AM and 7 PM unless there is prior approval from the Commissioner of Police.

York

* Excluding Sundays, it is perfectly legal to shoot a Scotsman with a bow and arrow.

Isle of Man

* Crossbows are banned

Isle of Sark

* All land must be left to the eldest son.

* Divorces are outlawed.

Shocked

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Robot Nixon · Joined: 09 Jul 2007 Posts: 119 Location: Swivel chair.

Monkey Balls · Joined: 16 Jul 2007 Posts: 152 Location: Fratton End.

[quote="Peter Parka"] * All English males over the age 14 are to carry out 2 or so hours of longbow practice a week supervised by the local clergy.

Nothings really changed, these days its 2 hours of strongbow practise down the yoofclub, supervised by kiddyfiddler disguised as a vicar.
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Zuut Aloors!

Rosler28 · Joined: 18 Sep 2006 Posts: 170 Location: Around & About